No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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