I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize