Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
