So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pants are for mortals
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
