i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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