She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
