turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
