Pappa wants mamma naked
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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