I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
