"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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