The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
