My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
