He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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