drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
be right there i have to get my cape
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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