the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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