I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
