dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
