Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
