hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
