FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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