If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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