Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize