he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
