I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you win again, gameday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
