omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
