...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
