even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
