life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
