4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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