No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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