found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
