my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
