i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
