Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
