When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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