I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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