and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
