There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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