Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
