Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
