toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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