she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
