is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
