She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
