From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
