dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize