It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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