My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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