Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
