Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize