isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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