my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
