Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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