are you still at the devil's house?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
