every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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