I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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