I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize