there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
