my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
