Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize