im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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