no, he came in my armpit
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How external is "for external use only"?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
