You're so nebulous sometimes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
