He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
