Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
