The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just cropdusted the office
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
