We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
