you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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