You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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