I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
