Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
