I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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