Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
